My Grandma the woman who played a special and important role in my life. In my childhood, my grandma play the biggest and most significant role in my growing up. I realized that most parts of my memory is filled with her. My grandmother is not only my pillar of support but is also the entire family's beloved grandma. My grandma married to my grandfather at a young age 16 The age I am now She took up the role of a mother at a young age and then later a grandmother to me. Never once, she failed to fulfill her duities. She took care of me and my younger brother unconditionally. She is well loved by the entire family and every one love her. My grandmother never had a good life. She have a very complicated family. Being pushed around and adopted by many when she was younger. Even after marrying my grandfather, she never had a good life. My grandfather who is considered a miser,{But I love him very much} never really allowed my grandma live in luxury. In 1998, one night suddenly my grandmother's eye got disoreinted. We immediately send her to the hospital and then she was officialy diagnose with her very first stroke. However, my grandma is lucky and she was still able to walk. In 2000, my grandma was hit with her second stroke. She can no longer walk without a walking stick. Just then my grandma who loves sweet stuff was diagnose with diabetes. The worse have not come In 2003, she was hit with the third stroke. she became wheel chair bound. My grandma was still very positive about life ! Being in the wheelchair did not stop her from being positive about life. In 2009, she was suddenly sent to the hospital one day. The doctor say she had a heart attack and was placed into the ICU ward. The doctor told us to be prepared as she might just go anytime. That time, all my family members from overseas return. My aunts and uncle who stayed in Hong Kong return. My aunt who stayed in the US return. All of us were heavy hearted. None of us dared to leave the hospital and we took shifts to stayed in the hospital. I remembered sitting in the hospital, drowning myself with coffee just to keep myself awake. I don't want to sleep. I was afraid once I sleep and I wake up. The worse had come. Every thing was back to normal when my grandmother was miraculousy healed. She got saved ! We spend more time with her after that. However, in the earlier part of the year. We noticed that something was not right with my grandmother. Her tummy was bloated up and was as hard as a car tire. We was afraid and we send her into the hospital. It was then she was found out to have cancer. I was speechless at can't express myself. Nothing that I can do... Since we can't give my grandma quantity time, we can just give her quality time. It was a painful period for me. I find it hard to express myself. The grandmother who took care of me since young. The jovial and healthy grandmother who always encouraged me to follow my dreams is now lying on the hospital bed. I realized I don't even have a proper picture with her and my most recent picture of her is taken three chinese new ythat moment. Rainy Tuesday 26th January 2010 I was not so feeling well this few day, constant pain in my stomach. So I actually stayed at home to rest and in these few days, I learned many things about my ancestors. My aunt told me that our ancestors hail from Guang Zhou, Pan Yu. After that, I immediately researched on Pan Yu and found this beautiful picture.  Isn't this beautiful ? So this is where my ancestors are from. I will visit this place one day. Back to my roots
JIRO WANG:
INTRODUCTION Everytime I hear the sound of guitars and drums, a familiar melody, those images of growing up automatically fill my mind. Like my father, that great father; those good brothers with the same interests as me, together immersed in the rock music of our practice room after school; wandering back and forth from the side of construction sites to sides of big roads, even randomly singing and shouting on the street. My memories also include days of riding my motorbike in the pouring rain, work and the rushed lifestyle between jobs... At my weakest, most dispirited moments in life, it was this music and these people who accompanied me. The guitar, drum beats, microphone, rock music, it's as if they can temporarily stop the sorrow; and it seems Father never left. It's like he's always here, always always by my side supporting me! PART 1 My Father - The origin of my life A major blow When I was in high school, without warning, my father was sent to hospital. My father, whom I believed was the always the strongest, lay on the stretcher and was carried into an ambulance; my mind was suddenly blank for a moment: why did this happen to our family? To my father? I really, really found it hard to believe what was happening before my eyes - however, it was indeed real. Since I was young, I've been a person who depended a lot on family. My parents married quite late so they had me at an older age, thus I was a single child. They loved me and looked after me with everything they had. Even though I wasn't born holding onto a golden spoon, I had a very close relationship with my family, I never thought that our family was missing anything. This me grew up in a blissful environment, being loved by my parents, I never knew what worries and pain were, until my father, our family's most important pillar, the shoulder my mother and I depended on most, suddenly collapsed. Everything came too abruptly; I'll never forget that day. God, are You joking with me? This can't be true! It was the day before entrance exam results were out, I happily held the entrance certificate from the #1 school in my heart, Fu Hsing Trade & Arts College; that day was also August 8, Father's Day. Originally I was going to happily celebrate with my father but the image before my eyes was my fallen father and the sound of the ambulance which to this day has not disappeared. All I could think about was what would happen from now on? How long would it be before my father passes the dangerous period and returns to his most loved family? No-one could answer me... During that period of time, my father was constantly rushing back and forth between the hospital and home, fully suffering the pain of his illness. My mother was always by his side, looking after him, regardless of day or night, taking care of him in every possible way. Of course, my father understood her painstaking efforts and so the two of them supported each other until the very end. These days were really difficult, as I watched, I couldn't take it, my heart was in pain. So I knew, I couldn't let my father worry about my weaknesses and immaturity anymore during this important period where he had to battle against his illness. So in front of him, I acted strong, sharing everything about school with my father just like before, telling jokes and making him laugh... as if no pain and suffering had ever occurred.. However, when I was alone, that disguise of strength disintegrated, collapsed. My father's illness was more serious than we had imagined, my mother's and my emotions and life went up and down like my father's condition. High school, many people's most carefree and worry-free time of their lives, but felt more like a heavy black cloud shrouding me, pressing down on me until I couldn't breathe. I looked like a happy student that just made it into his school but my heart was at its lowest because I felt helpless; depression and low spirits had already invaded. As handsome as my father! My mother often tells me that in her life, she did two things right: one was getting married to my father and the other was giving birth to me. My father wasn't rich but he really loved his wife. My mother said that when she was dating my father, he would come two hours early and at the entrance of my mother's clothing store he'd look from afar and pace back and forth, waiting for her to finish work. After they got married, he said to her, "You don't have to work so hard to run the store, let me look after you for a lifetime!" He took on all the family responsibilities so that my mother didn't have to worry about anything and but her whole heart into looking after their little kid - that's me. From my father, I saw the "love" and "sense of responsibility" that a man should have. In the outside world he'd work hard for the family and coming home, he'd use lots and lots of love to protect his family. There was never a day when this would change. He was the strongest pillar and umbrella too, sheltering his family from the rain and allowing them to always depend on him. I want to become that type of man. Since I was very, very young, I've loved singing. When my father took me out to eat dinner with his friends, he always wanted me to perform "Eldest Brother & Father, So Mighty" 哥哥爸爸真偉大. This song could be considered my... "debut song" (HA)! The actual name of the song is "As Long As I Grow Up" 只要我長大. I guess my father probably loved to hear me sing it because he wanted me to grow up quickly! Hearing the praises from uncles, my father would always have a pleased look on his face. Music club fulfilling dreams Growing a bit older, I started listening to the songs of the youth at the time like L.A. Boyz, Xiao Hu Dui 小虎隊, Aaron Kwok; a bit older still, I slowly became in touch with Guns N' Roses, Metallica, Bon Jovi and more rock music; I also listened to Japanese like Luna Sea, L'Arc-en-Ciel, X-Japan, etc. I didn't only specifically like a particular genre or band, simply listened lots and absorbed lots. I also took notice of their singing techniques and performance methods. In high school I was also president of the "Music Club", this is a... club that fulfills people's dreams of becoming singers I guess! We specialised in singing - duet and solo. As president, I first have to sing 1 or 2 songs and then let the members come up on stage one after the other. I'll even ask them very seriously like a host of a large-scale night club, "What song will you be sharing with the audience today?" "Eclipse" is formed! "Eclipse" 日蝕 band members: guitarist "Xiu" sitting in front of me; bassist "Deng" sitting on my left; plus rhythm guitarist, Xiu's brother "Jie"; and friend from musical instrument industry, drummer "Meng", and leader singer - me, under no musical foundation whatsoever, formed our group! Because we loved the same type of music and were classmates in the same grade and also because we had similar family backgrounds and inexpressible tacit understanding, without further thought, a band was formed just like that. Because we listened to rock and metal, music with heavy beats, "Eclipse" initially very naturally had this style. We didn't have a specified band practice time but we pretty much practised everyday. Everyone was very into it like guitarist Xiu, he slept in almost all his classes and for a period of time when I was name taker (T/N: marking class roll I think), I thought he was pretty much ignoring my existence so I kept a close eye on him. It was only later that I found out, each day he would go home and practise 7-8 hours of guitar, he got practically no sleep at night, so of course he would use the daytime to catch up on sleep! Xiu's perseverance and determination made me admire him greatly. He wasn't the type of student who enjoyed studying but as long as he had a goal, he would put 100% effort into reaching it and wholeheartedly work towards it and achieve it with perfection. Most student projects will take a few months to prepare but he could pull 2-3 all-nighters and finish it, then put almost all the remaining time into practising guitar. This also made his guitar-playing advance by leaps and bounds, it was really cool. The most unbelievable thing was that after he graduated, he even made it into university. You need to know that every Fu Hsing arts student in their final year will put pretty much all their energy into their graduation exhibition, painting, making models, sculptures, etc. they simply don't have time to prepare for the university entrance exam. However, because Xiu wanted to get in, originally he was practising 7-8 hours of guitar a day but as soon as he said he'd stop, he stopped and spent an entire month focussed on studying for the exam. It really shocked everyone. The proverb "It's fine if he does not cry, but one cry is enough to amaze all others" probably best describes him! He will always suddenly come out with a "powerful, deadly move" when you least expect it. Bassist who never asks for anything Our bassist Deng is yet another type of personality. He's very quiet and doesn't like to talk. Initially when we found him for the band, he couldn't do anything. When he heard that guitarist, drummer and even lead vocalist had been assigned, he said, "Then.. then what about I play bass guitar?" He's a naturally kind person who doesn't fight with others. He lives in Taoyuan's countryside while the rest of us live in Taipei. We often asked encouraged him to move up here so it would be easier to find work and it was also livelier here which suited us young people more. However, he's very "pure of heart with few desires" and didn't move at all. He liked places where the roads had less cars and there weren't many people. However, the strange thing was that when he stood onstage and started playing the bass guitar, he immediately became a guy with lots of charm. No-one would believe that he was that "peasant youth" from the countryside! We could sing anywhere From being complete novices to being able to perform onstage without being shy or getting stage-fright, our "Eclipse" (Ri Shi) band changed its name to "Karma" because people laughed at the name's resemblance to a particular car model. We put a lot of thought into the name "Karma" but didn't realise it sounded so strange when said out loud! Because we gradually gained more confidence in our performances, almost each time we heard there was some sort of ceremony somewhere, we would all go there to perform and join in the celebrations. As long as we could go onstage, we would give it all we had! The places we went to most often were construction sites, roadsides and of course, not excluding school campuses. As soon as our equipment was set up we would start singing, not caring at all whether the audience knew who we were or understood what we were singing. Sometimes when a bus or truck drove past, passengers would turn around in curiosity to see us, there were also grandpas and grannies watching the excitement, kids who had nothing to do, people who just happened to walk by... we didn't care at all, still sung no matter what! The greatest were our school campus performances! Ha! These were our highest, craziest times because the students understood our music! This is probably what they call "the happiness of youths"! Very free, very simple, only music, no worries, no burdens of being an idol, no limitations set, you can have no goals and not care about a thing, sing whatever you wanna sing, as loud as you can. First group of fans Although we hadn't anticipated becoming famous, as we performed at various places, fans of our band emerged. They would come regularly to our performances; at first us guys were a bit shocked! Once when we were recording at a TV station, there were people waiting for us when we came out. They wanted to take photos with us, have stuff autographed, once someone even recognised me on the streets and called out my name. --- Okay, to tell you the truth, secretly it made me feel pretty satisfied, like I'd received affirmation. I'd never imagined this would happen so I was quite happy. Band gave me a way to release my emotions and be accompanied To me, the care and support of my good friends who shared my joys and sorrows during high school when my father was seriously ill and I suffered both mentally and physically, even feeling helpless, filled up the very deep void I felt. They also made me realise: I wasn't really alone. The large amounts of shouting in rock music, gave me a way to release my initial gloom. Everytime I held a microphone and shouted with all my might, all my sadness would be washed away and vented out. I loved my group of friends even more, being onstage performing with them and putting all our energy into our music. Guitar, bass, drums - everyone had their niche and gave their most brilliant performance to the audience. All the same time, all the band members must have the best tacit understanding between each other and when we combined everyone's strengths, we could release an explosively surprising and harmonious strength. Within the band, everyone has their own characteristics that can't be absent in the group. If we were to go without an instrument or a particular member, our music would sound strange. Here I found a "sense of existence" - a sense of belonging, acknowlegement and warmth. Music isn't just simply music Therefore, to me, music isn't just music anymore. It builds friendships, it's what youth become absorbed in, and share. Also, leaving us afterwards, our ---- father. Everytime I stand onstage to perform, it's like he's standing in the audience somewhere, like when I was a child, smiling, supporting me, focussed on hearing my singing. As long as I can perform, it's like I can always be with my father. My music, is for him in Heaven. Guys liking motorbikes, pretty normal, right! Plus, since I'm rather tall, riding a scooter... would probably be too cramped! Riding a motorbike also has another advantage, that is.. when you're with friends and drawing out keys, it's very useful! Because more people want to draw out yours, riding it out would catch the attention of passers-by more... ha! In the past I've ridden some large motorbikes like FZR, Wolf (野狼), etc. very shuai, body leaning forward, all your weight supported by your forearms, once you're done it feels like your arms are gonna fall off! Also, because you're leaning forward while riding, you can't even feel your speed when you're going fast, to be honest, it's quite dangerous. My beloved motorbike is a Yamaha Drag Fire. It was originally green and silver but later, I made it become yellow and black. [T/N: color changed from riding it too much? xD] When I have time, I often go out riding at dusk or in the middle of the night, to enjoy the feeling of sunset or I'll ride on the bridge and quietly think about things. It's like as long as I'm riding my motorbike, I can grasp "freedom", nothing to restrain me at all. Naturally I'll forget all my worries and no matter how much pressure there is, it's not a problem anymore. Motorbike to drive back and forth love My dream is to one day own a genuine Harley, like the one we borrowed for this photoshoot... $600,000 RMB, not bad for taking a couple of photos! I've also imagined, in the future if I have children, I'll be able to send them to school on my motorbike or bring them lunch at noon. Their schoolmates will definitely be very surprised and say, "Wah, my goodness! Such a handsome person and motorbike, who is it!" My kid would very proudly say, "It's my dad!" Then I'd take the lunchbox out and say very coolly, "Be good! .. I'm going now!" Then ride the motorbike, slowly disappearing far into the horizon... Rainy Thursday 21st January 2010 In my previous post, I wrote about hurts and pain. Just yesterday I was in PE class where a good friend of mine sat beside me because we had M.C Everyone went to run 2.4km except for a few of us. We were in a corner when I suddenly turned to see tears streaming down her face. "Are you okay ?" I asked her and all she did was to shake her head. Somehow from the sad and lost expression in her face, I knew that must had been deeply hurt. All I wanted to do was to be by her side and just stay with her. What can I say ? This world is filled with hurt and pain. Even as us Christians, we experienced it. I get angry and impatient at times. I shout and scream at others at times. However, I am just glad that I have God in my life. Even though my world is not perfect, at least I have a perfect God with me. I realized I should be thankful for everyday instead of blaming bad things that fall upon me. Daddy God is good to me Sunny Tuesday 19th January 2010 I am on my way home today as I took some time to calm myself down and think about the things around me. I realized that there were many hurt and pain in the world out there that we cannot see. The feeling and thoughts of each and everyone. We are made in a very special way by God to think differently from everyone. We are all an induvidual. I realized that there are times were I felt hurt by people around me who thinks they understand me but they don't. They would just give me straight opinions right in my face when I did not want to know. I myself can't express myself on the spot. I realized I had problems expressing how I really feel. Normally I would just brush it away and say I'm fine but I am not It became such a routine that I realized I would say I'm okay when I am not. I have to change myself now... 11 Jan 2010 Clear skies Monday I was reading when a certain sentence just hit me. 'To accept that someone is gone, does not mean you love the person less' I think that this sentence apply to most of us. I finally understand what does this mean. I decided to let go. 6th January 2010 Wednesday Rainy I don't know how to describe my feeling right now. Confusion, lost, pain, hurt... I was praying for God for some sort of miracle. I pray that when my grandmother's report come out, it will be a positive one. However, No. She is officially diagnose with cancer. I don't understand why is this happening to me. Is God testing my faith towards him ? Cause if it is I just want to say that I am still standing strong in him. I just want a miracle... |
If I became a memory - withdrew from this life Leaving you startled and weeping My ice-cold body No longer able to embrace you Thinking that I'll leave you, the one I love To travel among the sea of people alone I will hate myself For being so heartless Germaine. I am just an ordinary girl with big dreams. I am a follower of Christ who just wants to do greater things. I am a twitter freak who wants to tweet every single mintute I can. I am a guitarist wanting to rock out whenever I can. I am a pianist wanting to write songs to speak to others && I am a drummer so I can vent my anger on the drums, I am a violinist wanting to play violin to calm myself down. I am a family member of w449 and wants to love this family even more(: W449!;D Yao Yao Wee Kiat Jiro Wang Calvin Chen Aaron Yan Wu Chun ShoutMix chat widget Tank -ru Guo Wo Bian Cheng Hui Yi November 2009 l December 2009 l January 2010 l February 2010 l March 2010 l April 2010 l May 2010 l designed by: dreamwalker powered by: blogger game scripted by: Lancer picture from: StockStash |
