I regretted

Regret that I did not had the chance to send my grandmother away

Nothing can express how I feel about the situation

I tried avoiding the entire situation and did my daily routine only to be called heartless

What can I say ?

What can I do ?

Does it make a difference ?

She is already with the Lord

Only God knows how I truly felt

Grandma did not leave me

She will see me again

And

I will be slowly walking to eternity

Where I will see her again.

I hate phone calls in the middle of the night

especially from family members

However, I experienced the same fear just yesterday morning in the middle of the night

I recieved a call in the middle of the night at 3 am from my aunt.

After hearing what she got to say, I immediately shot up from my bed.

I remembered how I rushed out from the house and ran to get a taxi.

I then called out to the taxi driver 'Singapore General Hospiatal please'

When we reached, I could not care less about the officer shouting for me to wait up and register. I immediately pushed him away and ran up to the ward my grandma is staying in.

Seeing my grandma lying on the bed, not moving, not saying anything.

Her eyes was disoriented and seemed spaced out.

I immediately cried out to God.

Clear skies Wednesday 24th march 2010

Yesterday I went to visit my grandma late at night in the hospital.

The doctors say my grandma has less than 3 weeks to live.

We can do nothing but to wait for the day Godtake her away from us.

However, I am glad and relieve that my grandma is already save.

But seeing my grandma like that made me want to help more broken lives out there.

If only my grandma get save at an earlier stage of her life, maybe she can experience God's goodness.

But maybe it's not too late now.

However, it made me even more determined to help the lost souls in the world and society.

With that I need God's strenght and his grace to help me through.

Sunny Thursday 17th March 2010

I was just sitting all alone when one of my friend came up to ask me why I was all alone

I simply replied "Because I like being alone."

Most of friends would describe me as

Loud

Cheerful

Bubbly

Talkative

But what they didn't know is the other side of me

I am not a person who express much through words.

The best way for me to express myself is through writing.

I enjoy the silence and loneliness.

I am not someone who is 'emo' or also known as 'emotional'.

I am just someone who likes being silent at certain point of time to think through things and to analyse thoughts.

Flashbacks were beginning to flood my mind.

I can't fall asleep so I decided to write out my thoughts.

I am very scared

Really very scared

I tell myself not to be scared but I can't

I wanted to push it out of my mind but I can't

It seems writing out is the best way for me to express the hurt and pain I feel

I wanted to ask God why is this thing coming back to me again

I wanted to know if something bad is about to happen

I want to be prepared.

The hurt will fade someday, I know

Maybe the pain will lessen as time past.